Of Love and Marriages...

One of the most significant developments in my life lately has been the numerous weddings of friends. In the last two years 9 of my friends and 6 of my colleagues got married. and I am expecting atleast 4 more weddings before the year ends (thats a conservative estimate based on the ones which are planned, then there are those spur-of-the-moment ones too!). I thought, therefore, that "weddings" would be a pertinent concept to write about... Lets go back to the origin of the word. The Anglo-Saxon word wedd referred to the grooms pledge to marry, but also to purchase money or its equivalent in horses, cattle, or other property that he paid to the bride's father. So a "wedding" was literally the purchase of a woman for breeding purposes, involving an element of risk. The first marriages were by capture. When a man saw a woman he desired, he took her by force. To kidnap a bride, a groom enlisted the aid of a warrior friend, his "best man". Capture marriages dominated the prehistoric world. However, marriage by purchase became the preferred tradition, and even when it wasn't an overt sale of the bride for cash, everyone understood that she was being bartered for land, holdings, political alliance, or social advancement. A girl was a useful pair of hands in the father's household, but she was invaluable to the groom's, where she could work equally hard and also bear offspring. Closer home, the Laws of Manu that prescribe social conduct for Hindus, describe eight different types of weddings - when a man adorns his daughter and gives her as 'gift' to a man that he has summoned; when the man adorns his daughter and gives her as a as a gift to a priest in the course of a sacrifice; giving the daughter away after receiving cattle from the groom in return; when a man takes a girl away because he wants her, and gives wealth to her and her family in return; when a man and a woman join in sexual union out of desire; when a man forcibly carries a girl from her home after killing, breaking ang wounding; when a man secretly has sex with a girl who is intoxicated, asleep or out of her mind. The expression "to tie the knot" dates back to the Romans, when the bride wore a girdle secured by a knot, which the groom then had the fun of untying. Rituals of binding have also been popular throughout the world. In ancient Carthage, the couple's thumbs were laced together with a strip of leather. In Hindu weddings, the end of the bride's saree is tied to the groom's stole. Besides knots, rings, or other forms of jewellery, headgear and vermillion all signify marriage and bind the bride to the groom (usually all these symbols are borne by the women).

This is of course, a completely historical-sociological description of the concept, bordering on a feministic interpretation. There are a multitude of connotations of this multifaceted concept, ranging from romantic (as in marrying as a result of falling in love, to spend the rest of their lives together, as a declaration of their love to the world, etc.), to socio-economic (organisation of society for optimal division of labour), to socio-political (marriage to perpetuate and maintain patriarchal societal structures, as well as caste, religion, class, etc.).

Do note that "love" has no mention in any of these weddings, either as a reason, or as signified by any of the symbols associated with the process. Do note also, that Manu accepts rape and abduction as marriage. I assume it is needless to point out the status and role of the woman/bride in this whole matter as has been prescribed by the various weddings, and therefore, various societies.

Despite this, (or perhaps because of this) weddings have started to symbolise and signify everything, except the union of the two people concerned (but it was never meant to anyway!!)The wedding, its rituals and the significance, the scale and the grandeur never fail to amaze me. From Mr. Mittal to the landless labourer, everyone would exceed what is 'affordable spending' on a wedding by atleast double! Status has started getting determined by the scale and grandiosity of a wedding, entire films get made on this concept, industries run on the business of weddings, and of course, how can I overlook the weddings that happen because of the wedding (weddings are a prime ocassion for all matrimonial purposes: with all the dolled up girls and the eligible bachelors, one is definite to strike some metal, if not gold!!). The wedding often far exceeds the marriage in significance and relevance, despite both being embedded in the same fabric, no matter whatever interpretation one chooses. The concept has definitely stopped being just a ritual to signify the commencement of an institution (that of marriage), and has become an organising principle - a superstructure, almost. The power and universality that it represents is probably only next to that of sex !! (and of course, the latter wins due to its sheer unfair advantage of the absence of all associated baggage, and its place in the esteemed list of 'basic needs'!).